Self-Conscious Writer here.

So as some of you know I'm at University for a Bachelor of Arts. This involves taking a wide variety courses, such as english, history, anthropology, political science, and many other silly courses. These courses have very little in common except for the fact that in all of them you will be writing way too much. Some times I can't believe how much stuff I have to write. Luckily I'm a pretty quick writer. I can usually hammer out a 10 page research paper in a few hour-long sessions. The problem I have though has nothing to do with the amount of time I take, it's about what I write. Since I've never actually failed a paper I assume I'm at least a decent writer, but almost every time I have to hand in a paper I do it shamefully with my head down.

It's been a long time since I've felt really proud of something I've written before I hand it in. Sure, after I get it back and the prof's given me like 80, than yes, I am proud of myself. But the problem is I require the reassurance of the prof to tell me what I've written is good, most of the time I have no idea and I assume the worst.

This is why whenever someone offers to edit or read my papers I usually turn them down. I feel ashamed of my writing, like if someone were to read it they'd forever judge me. Recently such an offer was made, but this time I'm going to take him up on his offer. It's not just because he happens to be a poli-sci major and has already done the class I'm in, it's because I realized it's stupid not to get someone to at least proofread a paper. Almost every paper I've gotten back the prof has said "make sure to proofread carefully," but I just ignore it. I laugh it off and continue to ignore peoples offers for help.

It's interesting that this is the way I feel yet this blog has become one of my favourite ways to kill some time. I think writing this and realizing people are going to read it is kind-of therapeutic. It's like if you're afraid of heights you climb the highest building, if you're afraid of bugs... you get a bug. For me it's the fear of people judging my writing, so judge away.