Confidence is overrated

So if there is one thing I've learned so far in my University career it's just that. Confidence is overrated. You might be thinking it's good to believe in yourself and take pride in your work, well sorry to say this, but you're wrong.

So far the only thing confidence has gotten me is disappointment. Like I said in an earlier post, usually I hand in a paper thinking it's terrible and I'll be lucky if I pass. Believe it or not, this is a much better way to hand in something because when I get my grade, as long as I passed, I'm happy. Sure, maybe I only got 70% but hey it's better than the 30% I thought I deserved.

You've probably realized by now that something like this has happened to me recently. You are correct in thinking that. Over this past week I've had most of my exams and I have also received my grades for many of my final papers. Out of the five papers I handed in I was only confident in two, my english and poli-sci. I thought these two papers were some of my best works, but apparently not. I got 68 on both of them... I was pretty heartbroken about both of these. It's not a good feeling to do all the required readings, show up to class, and then work relatively hard on a paper just to learn it's only satisfactory.

Now I mentioned there was another three papers that I handed in. First was my anthropology paper. I had no idea what the prof wanted. I threw together a ten page paper that was mostly pictures and hoped for the best. Somehow I managed to get 80% on this paper. Another paper I handed in was for my pop-culture class, followers of my blog should know how I feel about that course. Anyway, I had to write a paper about a movie in it's relation to the modern self. I chose Watchmen cause I love that movie. I wrote 8 pages about this movie and how Rorschach and Nite Owl embody the modern self and I got 80 on that paper as well. Finally I had a history paper about television. It sounded fun when I chose the topic but sadly the history of television is much more boring than you would think. I wrote 11 pages of what I felt was garbage and handed it in to one of the most intellectually intimidating professors I have ever met. I got 70 on that paper. Alright so basically what I'm saying is that the papers I have no faith in are apparently my best. I don't get it.

The thing is even if I had gotten 68 on any of those last three papers, I would've been happy. Confidence is a risk with little payout. The best case scenario is that the prof agrees with you, it is a good paper. But most likely, at least in my case, the prof won't agree with you and whatever mark you get you'll be disappointed with. On the other hand, if you hand in a paper thinking it is terrible, then  when you pass it is one of the greatest feelings in the world. When I saw I got 80 on both of those papers I was so much happier than I would've been if I had gotten 80 on my english or poli-sci.

In conclusion, believing in yourself and whatnot is great, just be prepared to be humbled because you're not that great...