We all wonder whether or not people care about us. Whether
or not we'd be missed if we suddenly weren't around. Jack was no different. His
days were spent contemplating how many people would show up to his funeral. Who
would send flowers, who would cry, who would remember his name after six
months. On a good day he could imagine a funeral with the pews full of grieving
family, friends, coworkers, people who he never realized cared so much. He
smiled as he thought of the casket being carried in and the tears streaming
down the cheeks of the unabashed mourners. He could hardly keep from bursting
with joy as he thought about each person walking up to his open-casket and
placing a solemn rose as they said nicer words to him than he had ever heard
when he was alive. On a bad day he imagined the box of his ashes arriving at
his Mother’s doorstep.
Thus far, today had been an average day. Jack was simply working, nothing more, nothing less. He sat at his desk imagining himself coming home to an empty apartment. He would make himself a mediocre dinner and sit at his table staring at the empty seat across from him wishing he had bought a dining room set with only one chair.
That night, would be different though. That night, Jack would not be alone. Walking home from work Jack received a text from a good friend. All it said was "Don't forget about tonight..." Jack hadn't forgotten, but not due to lack of trying.
Tonight Jack had been invited to his good friend Bill's house for a quiet dinner party. Typically if someone invited Jack somewhere he would come up with any number of original and clever excuses, but not with Bill. Bill was the only real friend Jack had.
Upon his arrival Jack was disheartened. He wasn't exactly sure what he was hoping for, but this wasn't it. There were a number of people there that Jack didn't know. He felt uncomfortable, as he always did. It wasn't until a girl sat down beside him that he was able to find a modicum amount of comfort. She had come in late, dinner had already been served. She apologized profusely as she sat down next to Jack. She immediately proceeded to take the dinner roll from Jacks plate and eat it. Many would find this presumptuous, or at the very least rude, but Jack found it endearing. She apologized, stating that she was starving, he just smiled and passed her the pasta.
Jack and this girl seemed to get along for the entire night. This might not sound like an accomplishment, but for Jack it was. Bill took notice.Bill had known Jack for a number of years, since college. He knew Jack's idiosyncrasies. He knew that when Jack met someone new he would typically feign interest in their stories for a given time, then he would tell a bad joke, if that person laughed he would make up an excuse to walk away, Bill had never seen someone not laugh. Long ago Bill had asked him why he always did this. Jack responded that he was testing that person, that he wanted to see if they were just going to be polite or if they were interested in having a real conversation. Bill thought this was ridiculous, but Jack just said "You didn't laugh."
The girl didn't laugh. She smiled and simply said "That was terrible." Jack tried his best to keep his face from lighting up, he hadn't been smitten in a long time. For almost everyone who attended that dinner party they would leave content to believe that it was an uneventful affair, but Jack knew the truth. Almost every night is insignificant, nothing happens, nothing changes, but this night was the night Jack met her. How could anyone think that was insignificant?
The two talked for much of the night, however just as the party was winding down, she excused herself to go talk to Sasha, Bill's wife whom she worked with. Jack took this opportunity to talk with Bill. Bill was quite happy for Jack, he had always wanted for Jack to meet a nice girl and it was just a bonus that she was friends with his wife. Bill encouraged Jack to ask her out, and when Jack hesitated saying that she probably wasn't interested in him, Bill simply said "don't be an idiot."
Jack was an idiot. As she was leaving he walked out with her, quickly putting on his coat to ensure they left at precisely the same time. He walked her home, six blocks out of his way, but he just kept telling her he was heading in the same direction. When she said "well, this is me," Jack froze in the crisp autumn air.
Thus far, today had been an average day. Jack was simply working, nothing more, nothing less. He sat at his desk imagining himself coming home to an empty apartment. He would make himself a mediocre dinner and sit at his table staring at the empty seat across from him wishing he had bought a dining room set with only one chair.
That night, would be different though. That night, Jack would not be alone. Walking home from work Jack received a text from a good friend. All it said was "Don't forget about tonight..." Jack hadn't forgotten, but not due to lack of trying.
Tonight Jack had been invited to his good friend Bill's house for a quiet dinner party. Typically if someone invited Jack somewhere he would come up with any number of original and clever excuses, but not with Bill. Bill was the only real friend Jack had.
Upon his arrival Jack was disheartened. He wasn't exactly sure what he was hoping for, but this wasn't it. There were a number of people there that Jack didn't know. He felt uncomfortable, as he always did. It wasn't until a girl sat down beside him that he was able to find a modicum amount of comfort. She had come in late, dinner had already been served. She apologized profusely as she sat down next to Jack. She immediately proceeded to take the dinner roll from Jacks plate and eat it. Many would find this presumptuous, or at the very least rude, but Jack found it endearing. She apologized, stating that she was starving, he just smiled and passed her the pasta.
Jack and this girl seemed to get along for the entire night. This might not sound like an accomplishment, but for Jack it was. Bill took notice.Bill had known Jack for a number of years, since college. He knew Jack's idiosyncrasies. He knew that when Jack met someone new he would typically feign interest in their stories for a given time, then he would tell a bad joke, if that person laughed he would make up an excuse to walk away, Bill had never seen someone not laugh. Long ago Bill had asked him why he always did this. Jack responded that he was testing that person, that he wanted to see if they were just going to be polite or if they were interested in having a real conversation. Bill thought this was ridiculous, but Jack just said "You didn't laugh."
The girl didn't laugh. She smiled and simply said "That was terrible." Jack tried his best to keep his face from lighting up, he hadn't been smitten in a long time. For almost everyone who attended that dinner party they would leave content to believe that it was an uneventful affair, but Jack knew the truth. Almost every night is insignificant, nothing happens, nothing changes, but this night was the night Jack met her. How could anyone think that was insignificant?
The two talked for much of the night, however just as the party was winding down, she excused herself to go talk to Sasha, Bill's wife whom she worked with. Jack took this opportunity to talk with Bill. Bill was quite happy for Jack, he had always wanted for Jack to meet a nice girl and it was just a bonus that she was friends with his wife. Bill encouraged Jack to ask her out, and when Jack hesitated saying that she probably wasn't interested in him, Bill simply said "don't be an idiot."
Jack was an idiot. As she was leaving he walked out with her, quickly putting on his coat to ensure they left at precisely the same time. He walked her home, six blocks out of his way, but he just kept telling her he was heading in the same direction. When she said "well, this is me," Jack froze in the crisp autumn air.
His timid eyes always gave away his darkest secret. He
smiled, acted confident, some would even say debonair, but for those who ever
looked longingly into his eyes they would see beyond the shell of a man that
had become so competent at deceiving the world. They would only see a
frightened soul clinging to the unlikelihood that one day he would finally
convince himself he was the man that everyone believed him to be.
Jack looked away from her, trying to conceal that truth, but he just simply said "bye" as she scaled the stairs up to her doorstep. Jack took his long walk home as an opportunity to further develop his self-loathing. He told himself that he couldn't believe he let her go, that he couldn't believe he didn't even try, but the truth is he did believe it. Of course he believed it, at this point in his life it had become routine to let people slip through his fingers. Whether it was another crush, or simply a friendship he didn't put the effort into, Jack had drifted through his life making only tentative connections. Despite Bill's best efforts, Jack may as well have been a ghost.
Jack could ask Bill for her number, he could even ask to be set up, but instead he will decide to continue his complacency, to perpetuate his misery, to just keep haunting himself.
Jack looked away from her, trying to conceal that truth, but he just simply said "bye" as she scaled the stairs up to her doorstep. Jack took his long walk home as an opportunity to further develop his self-loathing. He told himself that he couldn't believe he let her go, that he couldn't believe he didn't even try, but the truth is he did believe it. Of course he believed it, at this point in his life it had become routine to let people slip through his fingers. Whether it was another crush, or simply a friendship he didn't put the effort into, Jack had drifted through his life making only tentative connections. Despite Bill's best efforts, Jack may as well have been a ghost.
Jack could ask Bill for her number, he could even ask to be set up, but instead he will decide to continue his complacency, to perpetuate his misery, to just keep haunting himself.
